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La la la la!

November 2, 2012 by Momma Bear

That’s me, still singing. One of my anthems.  And isn’t it so weird?  The album name is “LUNGS”.  Still singing in spite of the bad news yesterday — although, somewhere, Jessica STEENberg is breathing a sigh of relief.  And have to say, love the song, not so sure about the video.  Although, PRETTY sure she does the Snoopy dance in there.  Love that.

Here it is.  I do have bone mets.  2 of them.  Somehow that doesn’t seem so scary – TWO!  They’re treatable.  I’m not having symptoms, although going back through the blog, I *WAS* having back pain in the exact area it was found before.

The disease is progressing in my brain.  And while I will always fight (and thank GOD my doctors will too), it’s time for some acceptance – which is different than defeat.  I’m not winning. That said, my family is famous for always loving an underdog.  Cancer is SUCH a bully.  And here goes Alanis Morrisette again, because there’s some real irony to me as a former fitness instructor.  The metastasis is “scatter shot” in my cerebellum – the part of my brain that controls balance, coordination, and timing of large motor skills.  The good is that I won’t get dementia.  The bad is now not only do I share my dad’s hairline, but his dancing ability, too.  (And I love you more than words, Dad.)

My oncologist rocks.  Seriously.  I’ll write about him more soon, but time for a name in case it will help others – Ian Schnadig at Compass Oncology in Tualatin.  The most important thing to me right now is that nobody gives up on me.  I’m still strong, still fighting, still relatively without symptoms.  Having read through my share of stories on message boards, here’s where a lot of doctors *would* give up.  He pledged to me he wouldn’t, that they would go to extraordinary measures.  Things change so fast all the time in this world, and a whole bunch of money just got poured into this cause.  I believe if I can HANG IN THERE the answer will come.  So, HAIR we go again.  Big round 3.  I’ve already had whole brain radiation, which is a one shot deal.  It worked on what was there at the time.  Monday I meet with my radiation oncologist, another one of my most favorite people.  Nico DeVette at Compass Oncology in Rose Quarter.  We’ll make a plan, but I know it’s under the category of “salvage”.  As soon as I’m done with some sort of radiation, I’ll immediately start some systemic chemo.   So, some dog days are still coming.  I’m not scared, I’m just grateful that I still get a chance to fight – a chance to keep finding the joy and humor in each day, a chance to wake up next to and play each day with my boys (sheesh they are hard sometimes though), and a chance to love on my dear family and friends… and a chance to finish Damages season 4 (tee hee).  I still feel like and know I AM A BLESSED GIRL.

And SO grateful for the chance to say – HEY CANCER???  FUCK YOU!!!

Jessica


3 Comments »

  1. Kristi says:

    FUCK – FUCK – FUCK YOU CANCER!!! Oh Jessica… sending a ton of love your way!

  2. mom says:

    Your blog inspires me and gives me hope and courage. It also makes my days brighter and clearer.You are the best Momma Bear in the world.

  3. Jodi says:

    So glad you’re writing again. I learn so much from you. Embrace all the goodness in your very full life, take the trash out to the curb and leave it there, and know that your many fans are singing along with you. I love you so much!!

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